Etiquette for Small Weddings 

             As you begin planning your wedding you will have many questions about etiquette.  Are the rules for large and small weddings the same?  Well, yes and no.  The level of formality will dictate some of the answers to your questions.  Small does not necessarily mean informal but you do have more latitude in certain areas.  Receiving lines, for example, may seem awkward and out of place in smaller venues but you do want your guests to have a smooth transition between the ceremony and reception.  A good site director or better yet, a hostess whose only duty is to make your guests comfortable, can facilitate a smooth transition and a much more relaxing and exciting event. 

            Formality rather than size will determine the appropriate selection and wording on your invitations.  Brides who opt for small weddings are more than likely a little older, and almost certainly footing a large portion of the bill themselves.  Unless you are wounding the feelings of a parent it is perfectly appropriate for the invitations to come from you and your fiancé.  Engraved invitations can be quite pricy but there are some very good options that range from Thermography to print-your-own kits at home to making them yourself.  If you enjoy activities like scrapbooking and you only need a small number of invitations craft stores offer you endless paper, vellum, and embellishment possibilities.  If your wedding is formal stick to printed invitations. Out of the five wedding invitations I have recieved in the last three years only one came from a professional printer. I could not tell from the invitations themselves, I only knew because the bride told me.

 Attendants for Small Weddings

Choosing bridesmaids and groomsmen can be a touchy situation if you are trying to keep your wedding party small.  This is your wedding and you need people who are willing to be fun, supportive, and actively involved in helping you plan and organize.  If your cousin who you have not seen in five years expects suddenly to become your maid of honor, her expectations are unreasonable.  Communicate your decisions and talk to your friends and family.  Most anyone who truly wishes you well will be understanding.   If you have children including them in the wedding party is almost always a good idea.   Give them tasks appropriate for their ages.  Pre-teens, teens, and adult children are generally thrilled to be bridesmaids, ushers, and groomsmen.  Younger children obviously could be flower girls and ring bearers.  Be sensitive.  The idea of being the center of attention may be daunting to children.  Also, if a child is unhappy about the upcoming nuptials he or she may be reluctant to participate.

 Small Weddings Reception Tables

Seating charts and place cards may seem a little silly if you have thirty-five or fewer guests at a sit-down dinner, but use them anyway. You may know all of your guests but they don’t necessarily know each other. In unfamiliar situations people like to know where to go and what to do next. Place cards are customary and comforting plus they give you another opportunity to be creative. Remember that charts and place cards are not etched in stone. Your friends and family may rearrange them to be near their friends. Guests may shuffle from seat to seat visiting people they have not seen in a long time. You are simply giving your guests guidance.

Who to Invite?

Keeping it small is not necessarily easy.  You and your future spouse may have to make some hard decisions.  Every aunt, uncle, cousin, childhood friend you haven't seen in 15 years, etc. probably won't make the cut.  Most people will understand, particularly if your wedding is a long distance. Invite the people who are closest to you and who will enthusastically celebrate your day.  It is generally poor taste to exclude a parent or step-parent (some situations may warrant it though).  It is also kind of mean to talk non-stop about your plans to co-workers and then not invite them.  Be sensitive.

 Invitations and Save-the-Date Cards

The best save-the-date cards I've ever seen were magnets.  What a brilliant idea! They were attractive, inexpensive and so useful. Your guests will have a reminder on the refrigerator well in advance. You can get magnets printed up at a great price at Vista Print.  The offer free business cards at regular intervals as well.  Business cards are not a bad idea when you are looking at venutes, meeting vendors, etc.

There are so many ways to make your own invitations now that few people actually use a printer.  Every office supply store, Wal-mart, and craft store will have kits. Some of the kits look great.  If you have a good printer you are in great shape.  Your invitations should reflect the mood, style, and level of formality of your wedding.  They help people know what to expect. There are also great ways to personalize or enhance invitations with embellishments.  Invest in a good caligraphy pen and if your handwriting sucks get someone else to address your envelopes!