What do People DO
at Small Weddings and Receptions?
I spent many hours searching for the answer to this question
when I was planning my own wedding. My husband and I did not want a standard ceremony or any
of the rituals involving candle-lighting, sand, roses, medallions, or water. Those things
are fine if you are comfortable with them and they hold meaning for you. Otherwise, they are just awkward. Small weddings give you more latitude to tailor your ceremony to suit your personalities. I chose not to have attendants other than my daughter. We had
one song at the beginning (sung by a close friend). My friend and advisor from college conducted
our ceremony and we used simple Quaker vows that reflected our beliefs and values much more
so than an elaborate church ceremony. Although it was simple, the people involved were
close to us and thier participation was special. More elaborate ceremonies are perfectly appropriate for
small weddings if the rituals mean something to you.
Our guest list consisted of twenty-seven names. I
am not much of a dancer (although my husband is) and neither are most of my academic friends. The idea of putting us all through a traditional wedding reception was mortifying. The piece of advice that finally enabled me to relax was, “You have interesting friends. Interesting adults do not need you to plan entertainment for them. If you feed them and give them enough to drink they will entertain themselves.”
We skipped the formal dancing, but not the
music. My guests breathed a great sigh of relief after dinner and did in fact entertain
themselves quite well. The most striking thing about our pictures is that everyone looks
HAPPY.
If you enjoy dancing or have always dreamed of the
father-daughter dance or have planned your first-dance song for years, by all means do not skip the dancing. Your wedding should be a reflection of your personality. Just realize that just because people
expect something does not mean you have to do it. I let my guests know what to expect ahead of time and asked a friend to serve as a
"hostess." She made introductions to people who did not already know each other and made people feel comfortable.
A Word About Alcohol
Depending on the time of day you are probably planning on
serving alcohol at your reception. Some brides have religious issues, alcoholic family members,
or a budget that precludes alcohol altogether. Alcohol is not required anymore so than dancing.
But I like it.
Alcohol really is a “social lubricant.” People relax and enjoy themselves more when reasonable
drinking is an option. You don’t want people falling-down drunk at your wedding. If a particular guest is a concern at a small wedding you can give the bar tender and staff instructions
ahead of time. I also like the idea of Inns where
most guests can spend the night. It eliminates the dangers of driving under the
influence.
Signature drinks are pricey but most places will give you an
opportunity to personalize a drink. Avoid serving anything that requires a blender. In a small space the noise is an unwelcme
distraction and irritation.
|