What do People DO

at Small Weddings and Receptions?

I spent many hours searching for the answer to this question when I was planning my own wedding.  My husband and I did not want a standard ceremony or any of the rituals involving candle-lighting, sand, roses, medallions, or water.  Those things are fine if you are comfortable with them and they hold meaning for you.  Otherwise, they are just awkward.  Small weddings give you more latitude to tailor your ceremony to suit your personalities.  I chose not to have attendants other than my daughter.  We had one song at the beginning (sung by a close friend).  My friend and advisor from college conducted our ceremony and we used simple Quaker vows that reflected our beliefs and values much more so than an elaborate church ceremony.  Although it was simple, the people involved were close to us and thier participation was special.  More elaborate ceremonies are perfectly appropriate for small weddings if the rituals mean something to you.

Our guest list consisted of twenty-seven names.  I am not much of a dancer (although my husband is) and neither are most of my academic friends. The idea of putting us all through a traditional wedding reception was not appealing. The piece of advice that finally enabled me to relax was, “You have interesting friends. Interesting adults do not need you to plan entertainment for them. If you feed them and give them enough to drink they will entertain themselves.”

We skipped the formal dancing, but not the music.  My guests breathed a great sigh of relief after dinner and did in fact entertain themselves quite well.  The most striking thing about our pictures is that everyone looks HAPPY.

If you like dancing by all means include it!   If you have always dreamed of the father-daughter dance or have planned your first-dance song for years, by all means do not skip the dancing. Your wedding should be a reflection of your personality.  Almost every venue will have a dance floor or rent one for you.  Groups of 40 or 50 people generally will have enough dancers to make it worth it. I have worked as a bartender at quite a few weddings--some beautiful, some amazingly tacky. If you are dancing in the spot light practice and do it right.  You don't want to look like a couple of teenagers on prom night.

Just realize that just because people expect something does not mean you have to do it. I let my guests know what to expect ahead of time and asked a friend to serve as a "hostess." She made introductions to people who did not already know each other and made people feel comfortable.  

A Word About Alcohol

Depending on the time of day you are probably planning on serving alcohol at your reception.  Some brides have religious issues, alcoholic family members, or a budget that precludes alcohol altogether.  Alcohol is not required anymore so than dancing.

But I like it.  Alcohol really is a “social lubricant.”  People relax and enjoy themselves more when reasonable drinking is an option.  You don’t want people falling-down drunk at your wedding.  If a particular guest is a concern at a small wedding you can give the bar tender and staff instructions ahead of time.   I also like the idea of Inns where most guests can spend the night.  It eliminates the dangers of driving under the influence.

Signature drinks are pricey but most places will give you an opportunity to personalize a drink.  Avoid serving anything that requires a blender.  In a small space the noise is an unwelcme distraction and irritation.